This Post Will Self-Destruct

Last month, I gave myself a mission....impossible: find a reading challenge I could actually do. The thing is, I know my reading habits, and I know I tend to just read what I want, when I want to, and reading things because I have to (even if it’s for a self-motivated challenge) feels like homework and I don’t wanna.

HOWEVER....I think I have finally found a challenge I can get behind: The Beat the Backlist Reading Challenge. My TBR (to-be-read) list is extensive, kept in an Evernote notebook separated by genre and alphabetized by author’s name. I don’t even know how many books are on it any more. I also don’t actually know how many books I own that I haven’t read. I have a problem. I have been wanting to take a small chunk out of this list for a while: this is my New Year’s Resolution.

The only rules for the challenge I have linked above are that you must read the books between January 1, 2017 and December 31, 2017 and the book must be published prior to 2017. I am adding an extra rule for myself: the book must be either from my TBR list as it currently stands OR from my bookshelf (physical or ebook) purchased/obtained prior to January 1, 2017. Additionally, I am going to set my goal at a reasonable number: 12. That is one book from my shelf/TBR a month, I read 70-80 new books a year - 12 should be completely manageable….in theory.

When I complete a book for this challenge, I will tweet about it (@PaperNString) and maybe around July I’ll post an update about how it’s going. Do you do reading challenges? Do they work for you or do they stress you out?

Walk It Off

Thanksgiving, that greatest of holidays, has now come and gone. I am still in a food coma. This is being written in a dream with the assumption I’m actually posting it in the waking world.

I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday. All of the delicious foods and none of the stress of gift-giving (and receiving). But, with all that delicious food comes too much food in general. Is there really such a thing? For the premise of this post we’re going to say yes (there is a strong argument against, but then why would I be writing this?). After all the deliciousness, after the long nap, I usually feel like I need to move a bit to feel human again and not like I’m going to roll away in my internal carb bath.

Exercise is not my favorite thing and I usually require external motivation to get going. This is usually provided by my dog, but he’s a greyhound and actually lazier than I am and not always up to the task. So I must find motivation in other ways and I find it with audiobooks. I’ve listened to audiobooks for as long as I remember. Family trips growing up usually involved car rides which meant keeping my siblings and myself occupied in a small space for hours on end which meant audiobooks. Well, books on tape really. It was the 90s.

Now I download books to my phone and listen to them on walks. I motivate myself by having certain books I am only allowed to listen to while I’m walking. If I am not walking and someone is dangling off a cliff, they stay on that cliff until I’m moving again. There is no motivation like having a fictional person’s fate hanging in the balance.

Here are a few of my picks of great audiobooks to keep you moving through the holidays, and maybe (maybe, I’m not a miracle worker) keep some of the pounds at bay.

Bossypants by and read by Tina Fey

I adore Tina Fey and as always, she is an hilarious and poignant writer. Any time a comedian writes a book I almost always listen to the audiobook version if they narrate because there is no replacing their voice in my head.

Neverwhere by and read by Neil Gaiman

A classic fantasy novel about the world below London and the hapless Richard Mayhew who accidentally discovers it. Neil Gaiman should always narrate his books as far as I’m concerned, he has a wonderfully soothing and playful voice.

The Unexpected Mrs. Pollifax by Dorothy Gilman, read by Barbara Rosenblat

The start of classic mystery series starring the Miss Marple-like Mrs. Pollifax who is accidentally recruited to the CIA and has international spy adventures. Fun and very funny.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, read by Jim Dale

Le Cirque des Réves appears and disappears out of nowhere and two magicians are waging a battle behind the scenes. Jim Dale is one of the greatest narrators I have ever heard. He narrated the American version of the Harry Potter audiobooks and he was the narrator for my late, beloved Pushing Daisies. If you don’t completely lose yourself in his dulcet tones, you are a monster.

Sabriel by Garth Nix, read by Tim Curry

The first of two Tim Curry narrations on this list (who doesn’t love Tim Curry?). Sabriel is the daughter of a mage who talks to the dead and when her father disappears, she must go looking for him in the Old Kingdom where magic runs free.

Dracula by Bram Stoker, read by a full cast

Why not knock a classic off your bucket list? I recommend this full cast version of Dracula which stays faithful to the epistolary format of the novel by employing a fantastic range of voices including Alan Cumming and Tim Curry.

The Caped Crusade: Batman and the Rise of Nerd Culture by and read by Glen Weldon

Glen Weldon writes about books and comic books for NPR (and other places on web) and is also one of the chairs for the podcast Pop Culture Happy Hour. His exploration on the history of Batman and his effect on nerd and pop culture is fascinating, funny, and a good time no matter how nerdy you are.

Boldly Going

I am a pattern follower. It’s who I am. I like rules and rubrics; organizational charts are like porn to me. I find a knitting pattern I like and I follow it like a religion. I am also moderately lazy and why reinvent the wheel when I can find a perfectly serviceable pattern on Ravelry to do what I want?

However, recently I was looking for a very specific thing. I told a friend I would make him a nerdy hat.

Specifically a Star Trek hat.

Next Gen era command, to be exhaustively specific.

I made this promise thinking, there are tons of crafty nerds out there, surely one of them will have created a pattern doing what I want. I went to Ravelry, searched “Star Trek” and fewer results were returned than I anticipated and none doing exactly what I wanted.

I was going to have to go off-book. *panic*

BUT I DID IT. I figured out a workable hat pattern achieving the look I was going for, I gauged it, I charted an insignia pattern for the brim, I knitted and frogged (several times), and made it work. As a result, I have my first pattern design! And here it is, free for you and for everyone!

Enjoy!

INSIGNIA HAT

                                    

Size: One size. Finished hat will fit head circumference of 21-23” + or -

Materials:

·         Yarn: worsted weight yarn, three colors, Brim Color (BC) 150yds, Crown Color (CC) 100yds, Insignia Color (IC) 25yds (yarn shown in patt is Knit Picks Wool of the Andes Superwash)

·         US3 16” circular needle, 4 US3 double point needles

·         Stitch marker

·         Tapestry needle

Gauge: 5 sts = 1” in seed stitch

Instructions:

Brim:

Cast on 104 sts in BC, join being careful not to twist stitches.

Set up rows:

Row 1: *K1, p1, (repeat from * to end)

Row 2: *P1, k1, (repeat from * to end)

Repeat rows 1 and 2 for 26 rows.

Row 27: Continue in patt as established for 6 sts, work chart row 1 with IC continuing to work BC sts in seed stitch, work in patt to end.

Work chart in patt as established over next 20 rows.

Rep rows 1 and 2 twice.

Crown:

Switch yarn to CC. Work in stockinette for 7.5-8.”

Crown Shaping:

Row 1: *K11, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 2: *K10, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 3: *K9, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 4: *K8, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 5: *K7, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 6: *K6, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 7: *K5, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 8: *K4, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 9: *K3, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 10: *K2, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 11: *K1, k2tog, (rep from * to end)

Row 12: *K2tog, (rep from * to end)

Cut long tail and thread through remaining sts, pull and bring tail to inside hat.

Fold bottom half of hat brim to the inside of the hat and stitch where brim and crown meet so hat brim thickness is doubled.

Chart

ESCAPÉ - Funny, That's Spelled Just Like "Escape"

I don’t think I am speaking hyperbolically (or indeed controversially) when I say this has been pretty much the worst year ever. Between the Grim Reaper taking away every musician and actor you’ve ever loved, the refugee crisis, and the literal worst election in American history, I think some escapism is in order to keep complete insanity at bay.

Now, I read almost exclusively for escapism anyway, but in extreme cases such as these I have a special recommendation strategy to ensure maximum disconnect with reality.

1. Re-read a time-tested favorite: I don’t mean a book you liked but haven’t read for a while; I mean a book you get lost in every time even though you know every turn of the plot, most of the dialogue, and every problematic thing about characters and storyline. I mean a book you could practically recite and have a hard time summarizing to others because, “It’s just not that simple!”

My picks: The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas, anything by Guy Gavriel Kay

2. One word: FANTASY: And serious swords and sorcery fantasy at that. There should be a lot of magic, good should be fighting evil and winning at the end, dragons are a bonus but not required. This is not your Game of Thrones complicated characters and motivations read that almost makes you feel worse about people than when you started. You want Samwise Gamgee, not a Lannister.

My picks: Nimona by Noelle Stevenson, Uprooted by Naomi Novik, Iron Druid Chronicles (series) by Kevin Hearne

3. YA and Middle Grade: New to you or from your childhood. As stated above, well-loved books are a great escapist read and that can often mean going back to Narnia or having a riddle-off in a goblin cave, but there is A TON of great YA and middle grade books out there that are fun, fast reads to make you laugh and dive into a new world.

My picks: Harry Potter (obviously), Rick Riordan’s entire mythology-based oeuvre, Patricia C. Wrede’s Enchanted Forest Chronicles, the Gallagher Girls series by Ally Carter

4. Romance: The obvious, tried-and-true escapist option. People have been reading romance novels to escape for generations, support the tradition!

My picks: The Duke by Gaelen Foley, the Spindle Cove series by Tessa Dare, the Sugar Maple series by Barbara Bretton

5. Cozy Mysteries: When I say cozy mysteries, I mean the slightly ridiculous books that center around librarians and home decorators, not actual detectives: Miss Marple not Philip Marlowe. They’re usually funny, the murders are under weird circumstances, and the supporting characters make a series.

My picks: The Bibliophile series by Kate Carlisle, the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich

6. Something Just Weird: Something so out there you will completely forget the real world exists because this fictional one is taking all of your concentration to sort out leaving no room to process what is happening outside.

My picks: The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins, Undermajordomo Minor by Patrick DeWitt, Beautiful Darkness by Fabien Vehlmann

To Avoid: This is just as important in your escapism strategy. You do not want to find yourself reading something which reminds you so much of current events you enter a cycle of browsing news sites and crying. Now is not the time to read the classics, or anything you “should” be reading to better yourself. It is not a time for books with a heavy focus on serial killers and/or psychopaths (read: politics in general, fictional or non). This is an escape plan to trick yourself into thinking the apocalypse is not nigh.

Good luck.

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for any emotional damage upon your re-entry to reality. I recommend just staying in fiction.